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Image: Andrea Piacquadio

As a teacher, and also a mentor in a previous role, I have come to realise that there are a number of young people in the school system who are crying for help. As their complaints are often ignored, this can normally manifest in negative ways such as rebellious behaviour. This is a fitting way to start this blog as it leads me onto the events that have taken place within the last week; a young girl was being beaten in Ashford, Surrey by a group of girls with the addition of a mother who was encouraging the hellacious beating. The fight was caught on camera by a passer-by or fellow student, however the most distressing part of the video was the nonchalant behaviour of the teachers “breaking up” the fight. This will be discussed in another blog post.  In the video, you could clearly see the lack of urgency, which got me thinking about whether there was a dislike for at least one of the girls involved.  

Racially Motivated

In the days following the incident, there was a protest on the grounds of the school and again many videos began to circulate around the internet. One of the videos was a mum passionately speaking to a member of staff (possibly the headteacher) about her previous complaints about racism in the school and her calls went unheard. More coverage around the incident has come out and is said to be racially motivated however it is hard to confirm without the victim’s confirmation about this.   The video of the mum’s conversation with the school teacher is indicative that racism may have been a problem in the school.  That video is awful to watch as you can hear the emotions of the mum explaining her position. Moreover, my concerns turned to the actual victim which got me thinking about the need for parents to be present in their son’s or daughter’s school life.  

Seen and not heard! 

In some cultures, young people are often heard and not seen. Their cries are often ignored because the truth is they are not seen as humans. They are seen as little people who more than likely are the reason for their own complaints. I look at this situation and definitely do not blame mum for this. However, this event has reminded me of the importance of being present in one’s child’s life. Present in the context meaning being consciously engaged with the here and now.  Giving them an opportunity to talk about their feelings will go a long way and potentially save many of our young people. One can only assume the young girl who was savagely beaten felt the need to fight back. She clearly was not getting any support in the school despite obvious concerns about racism. This left her helpless. This is why as parents we must give our children the opportunity to speak about their experiences but equally being present. Truly understanding what is going on in their lives. This is not to suggest the mum was not present but rather to highlight the point for the wider community.  

Reflection

The harsh reality is that many of us have many thoughts to unlearn. At school many of our young people do not have a voice. There are many reasons for this that do not need to be examined here. However, the idea that many of our young people will not have a voice in school suggests even more significance for them being able to speak to us, the parents. There are topics that culturally some parents will not want to discuss with their child. However, if these ‘taboo’ topics cannot be discussed then you are subconsciously telling your child there is a need for them to hide some areas of their life from you. This can be incredibly damaging for young people who need constant guidance as they are still learning. If they do not feel comfortable having a conversation with us, then how can one be truly present in the lives of our children?  

The reality is that my mum did the best job she could, however my mum was hardly ever present in my life. She did not know half of the things that I did during my teenage years and although I was a relatively good teenager it does not reduce the significance of my mum’s lack of presence. There were things I was going through and never turned to my mum. What happens to a child who is not being heard? It will manifest in different ways. The more present we are with our children the safer it is for them, therefore if serious concerns come up, we can address them head on.